What the hell is wrong with public figures these days? Scarlett Johansson has had nude pics leaked to the internet. FBI are looking into it. Closely.
So, how many Hollywood stars does this make? About a billion? Seriously, at this point, I truly don’t care who “hacked” her and posted them. I really don’t. I don’t care if they catch them. I don’t give a rodent’s rectal orifice.
Because this would all stop tomorrow if just one little thing happened…and I know I’m talking crazy here, but still…all they need to do is not take nude pictures of themselves!
I know, I know, crazy concept.
I may be jaded, but I really think most of these “leaked” photos are a way to get the person’s name in the news, trending on Twitter and talked about on Facebook. And it works, cuz here I am talking about it myself.
In this case, as far as I can tell, Scarlett took the pics herself. So, let’s just slow down for a second here and look at this first point. She took the pictures herself. Why? She’s going to check them out later? She’s going to look back fondly on them some day when she’s older and her birthday suit could use some ironing to get the wrinkles out?
Who the hell takes pictures of their nude self? I sure as hell don’t. Ain’t no one wanting to look at this wreckage, me most especially. And what would I be thinking? “Whoa! Check out that fine, fine ass on that guy! Hey, that’s art, baby! Oh, wait! That’s me! Day-ammmmmnn! I’m pretty fly for a white guy!”
Yeah, not so much. And if Scarlett, you’re doing that for any reason closely resembling that? Get over yourself.
But it’s not just her. Chris Brown, Vanessa Hudgens, Amber Rose, Kendra Wilkinson, and of course, the heavyweights, Paris Hilton and the tag team of Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson. Paris didn’t seem like there was a hotel room (most likely all Hiltons is my guess) that she could keep clothed in. Tommy and Pam humped their way across a paradise. I hope they used sunblock.
Even Gene Simmons was caught on video with an Austrian model back in 2008. Okay, granted, he hadn’t hit 60 just yet, but who wants to look at his bloated ass doing the hokey pokey? Ewwwwww.
What is it with these people? Why is it the pictures are snapped, the videos are recorded and then, suddenly, when the images are released, they are shocked, outraged, embarrassed and seek legal damages while waving a pointed finger authoritatively in the air, as though all this righteous bluster will carry on up to the Lord so everyone will understand that they really do have Ethics and Morals and aren’t Bad People…they’re just photographed that way.
And the FBI now has to look into this crap. Cuz, you know, this is the most important and valuable use of their time. Forget all the serial murderers and those that have defrauded billions of dollars. Forget all the future crimes that they may stumble across leads for. Naw, let’s go looking for the guy the hacked and released the pictures that Scarlett Johansson took of herself and stupidly kept on a device that was hooked to a public network. Yeah, let’s do that. That’s much more important.
Ah well, at least some of the guys will get new desktop wallpapers out it. So it’s not all bad, I guess.
People. The expression used to be “keep it in your pants” and they were referring to your genitalia. Now, consider the same expression being applied to all recording devices. Keep them in your pants.
And keep your damn clothes on. Cuz I don’t want to see it, hear about it or blog about it anymore. I couldn’t give a rodent’s rectal orifice.