Personal Grooming…There’s a Reason It’s Called “Personal”…

Paging Megan Barnes…your fifteen minutes of fame have arrived.

There’s a lot of ways to get noticed in life and in the media. We see attention whores all the time. And mostly we try to ignore them.

But that becomes hard when someone crashes into the back of your vehicle. Now, let’s be fair, Ms. Barnes doesn’t appear to be an attention whore. She seems, despite the picture above, to be quite concerned with her personal appearance. Well, at least when it comes to her nether regions.

So yeah, you can google “megan barnes shaving”, or I can give you the short version…

Basically, from what I understand, the above-mentioned Ms. Barnes was in a car with her ex-husband, on her way to a date and decided that, while doing approximately 45 mph, decided that would be the best time to clean up the stubble around her hoo-hah. I mean, she was responsible enough to realize that she couldn’t fully focus on the task of driving, so had her ex take the wheel. Sadly, I believe the date may have been a bust when she collided with an SUV (which does NOT stand for “Seriously Undershaved Va-Jay-Jay”).

Now, being the curious guy I am, I’ve got a ton of questions. Was this a first date? If so, she strikes me as either a little promiscuous or optimistic. Why was her ex accompanying her on this drive to the date? What role was he to play? Maybe a little icebreaker with the newbie on the finer points of wooing a freshly shaven Megan? Why did she leave that little detailing step so late? Why wouldn’t she and the ex-hubby just trade places so she could more easily plant both feet on the dash and do a quality job of it? After all, he was the only one with a valid licence, Megan having lost hers to suspension, as well as getting caught the day before for a DUI (which, by the way, does NOT stand for “Dangerously Undershaved Idiot”). How much had she planned this? After all, I don’t think most women carry all the necessary…gardening instruments to properly prune the bushes at a moment’s notice.

And of course, the elephant in the room…what the HELL possessed her to shave while frigging driving?

As I say above. There’s a reason it’s called Personal Grooming. Cuz it’s personal. Done in private.

I don’t understand what makes people think that it’s socially acceptable to do this crap in public.

I used to work in a couple of different call centres in the past. Just in those environments alone, I’ve seen (not just heard the stories, actually seen with my own eyes) people trimming fingernails and toenails. Okay, fingernails are not too horrible. But toenails? Come on. I was alerted to this when one of the offending little castaway nails flew up, over the cubicle wall and down onto the keyboard of the rep beside him. That’s vile.

Some other guy was shaving at his desk. Yes, better than in the car, and better that it was his face than his nether regions, but still.

I thought one woman’s desk was smoking until, running up to alert her to the danger, I saw it was actually steam from the curling iron she was using on her hair.

I saw one guy selling clothing from his desk. Not a couple of shirts, I’m talking a full-on retail establishment’s worth of product here.

I’ve seen a guy that had a pet turtle at his desk.

I’ve seen a guy bring his dog to work. A German Shepherd. Fully grown.

I’ve seen a woman bring her two kids to work. “Just hide under the desk until lunch, kids.”

Another guy watching movies at his desk. Instead of taking the calls. Got really upset when I told him to shut it down and put it away.

One guy passed out drunk at his desk. Snored quite loudly.

Yeah, I know I’m veering off from the whole personal grooming topic, but you’ve just got to wonder what goes through some people’s heads, don’t you? This goes beyond the whole “oh my God what are you eating that smells like ass and death had a baby” lunches or dinners brought from home and often spilled into the unsuspecting keyboards only to unleash their terrors another day. This is even beyond the whole picking your nose and wiping it under the desk/chair/coworker. This is a whole ‘nother level, don’t you think?

Seriously, some people are just gross. They may be well-trimmed, but they’re just gross.